Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Ha!

Here are some suggestions from Foreign Policy's Passport blog on how Dear Leader can learn from the master (aka, Steve Jobs) to present his escalation strategy (don't call it a surge!) tonight:
  1. Go casual. Bush speeches tend to take on a funereal air, what with the dark suits and somber tone. A nice mock turtleneck and snug-fitting jeans could lighten the mood.
  2. Get creative with set designs. Apple's staging for the Macworld Expo is always masterful, but Bush tends to deliver his speeches from the drab confines of the East Room of the White House. If he can't move the venue, perhaps some tasteful, modern-looking backdrops (i.e. not "Mission Accomplished") are in order.
  3. Be playful. Apple's CEO made a prank call with the new iPhone yesterday, delighting the audience when he ordered 4,000 lattes from a nearby Starbucks and quickly hung up. With a few finger taps of his own, Bush can upstage Jobs by demonstrating the whiz-bang features of the White House Situation Room to have free Happy Meals delivered to everyone in Baghdad and watching the smiles spread via classified satellite imagery.
  4. Next time, don't give away the store. The Bush administration loves to leak little tidbits and launch trial balloons to gauge potential reactions to a speech. By the time Bush goes on the air, everyone already knows what he's going to say. Apple, by contrast, can keep a secret, and that makes Steve Jobs must-see TV.
  5. Believe the hype. Sure, the American people have grown cynical about claims that victory is just around the corner in Iraq, that Iraqi army and police forces are "making progress," and that sending more troops is the answer. What would Steve Jobs do? Set the reality-distortion field to "stun." Tell the American people that winning in Iraq would not only bring democracy to the Middle East, but that it would also end world poverty, reverse global warming, and bring Ronald Reagan back to life. And if the press expects a 20,000 troop surge, send the entire U.S. military. That'll really surprise people.


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