Batshit Crazy

I was listening to a discussion of scientology on NPR's Day to Day with writer Kim Masters (who's doing a piece for Radar Magazine) this noon and I nearly coughed up my luncheon tofu when I heard the following bit

Scientology was created by L. Ron Hubbard. It's been around for some time now. It starts out as a self-help kind of thing where you talk about issues that are bothering you and you are audited with an e-meter, which is a sort of a lie detector-like device. And they are looking to remove the issues that are plaguing you.

OK, that sounds somewhat reasonably new-agey but with a techno twist. Here's where we enter Crazy Town (and the near choking with laughter):

The fallen-away Scientologists say as you move up the ranks of the church, you become what they call an Operating Phaeton. A Phaeton is a spirit. The way it works, it's kind of complicated to explain, but 75 million years ago, according to the story that is told, there was an intergalactic warloard named Zenu who was faced with a serious overpopulation problem in the galaxy and he gathered up these spirits and put them on planet Earth and then nuked them. And they then became these free-floating spirits who were brainwashed to forget what had happened to them. And again, the church disputes this version that is told by fallen-away Scientologists, but this is their story. And these Phaetons, these spirits have attached themselves, either singly or in clusters to all of us, are the source of many of our problems, and it is the mission of Scientology to awaken and release these Phaetons so that we can move forward with our lives.

You can hear the whole interview at NPR in RealAudio.